Finding your purpose on Sunday Night

What is it about Sunday nights that makes you question the purpose of your life?  A weekend full of too much fun?  Aimless socializing?  The impending work week ahead of you?  Guilt from a work-less weekend?

When is it that you really feel alive?  What are you doing?  Where are you?

For me it’s at the beginning of things.  I’m not sure if this makes me an optimist or if it means that I have ADD (which I do NOT, by the way.  Squirrel. )  I often talk about how my favorite part of any process is the beginning.  You know, if you have to choose between being a Starter, or a Process Person, or a Closer, where do you fall in the cycle?  I think I want to be a Process Person, and I certainly LOVE struggling my way through the progress of things, but if I’m honest with myself, it is the beginning–the idea– that gets me the most excitement and feeling of purpose.  So I often find myself on Sunday nights without the hope of something new.  If I started something new every week, nothing would ever get done, and then what would that make me?  A flounder-er.  That’s right.  A flounder-er.  All kidding aside, we can only have a favorite part of the process if we journey through the rest of it.  So I love the beginnings because I know it’s going to take me on a long and often arduous journey.  Frankly, I care least about the finish.  In fact, all my life I have had very little interest in how things turn out.  I’ll read 80% of a book, I’ll fall asleep right before a movie finishes.  It’s not that I don’t care about what’s happening.  I think that I care too much about what’s happening to seal it up artificially.  I’m fine with it floating in the ether.  I’m happy that what I’ve experienced exists…as it is…without some false summary.

I think finishes will come organically. (yuck– that word is overused.)

So I’ll focus on the process.  It’s the longest part of the journey.  It’s the majority.  It’s where direction is determined.  It’s where you have the most room for play. It’s elastic.

But this week,  I will search for new beginnings in the midst of the process.  New ways to challenge myself.  Find freshness in the mundane.  What’s that saying…?  Stay the course.  I think there’s comfort and and an irritant in that.  On the one hand, I appreciate how knowledge and habit can keep you going further than you think you can go, but on the other hand, how absolutely dreadful to STAY on a COURSE.  I’m too much of a wildcard for that.

But that’s my goal: to find newness in the middle of things.  Ask me how I’m doing on Friday.

 

xo and to art,

Lydia

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